The beat goes on

I can't believe I'm writing another blog entry. I must be infected with some sort of horrible blabber-mouth virus, contracted, no doubt, from some female. Oh well, I guess I may as well press on.

I see that the most wretched woman in the United States is running for the democratic nomination for president. It is hard to believe that the American people would be stupid enough to even remotely consider this miserable bitch for anything in the public realm. However, I remember they elected her husband, the most immoral man to ever live in the White House twice. And, the people of New York, never known for political astuteness, elected her senator along with another real pile of trash, Charlie Schumer. God, I hate politics. I hate politicians. Our judiciary sucks. We are headed for some really tough times. Damn, now I'm depressed.

My daughter is trying to buy my mother's car. It is a hell of a deal. I hope she is successful. It is well past the time when mother should have gotten rid of it. I am happy she has decided to sell it.

The weather here is still cold. Temperatures have been rising into the mid sixties. Spring is coming, but it ain't sprung yet. As I write this, it is 37 degrees outside. booo....Another bad weather rating.

We are plodding on toward our moving date. What is that date, you say? Well, we don't know. We seem to be progressing with all the velocity of a snail on crutches. I am having as hard time trying to motivate dear wifey. This was her idea, one of the few good ones she's ever had. Am I fearful that she'll read this and exact some form of female punishment upon me? NO!! She does not compute.

Speaking of my rib, she has already started her garden. She does this every year as soon as she is confident that there will be no more frost. It seems to work for her. She grows some great garden stuff.

The sun is now attempting to peek over the mountains to the east. That means it'll be warmer soon. I said warmer, not warm. The high today is supposed to be 67. We just can't seem to make it to 70.

Weekends are now sad remnants of what they were just a month ago. Football season is gone. Rats!! Now we must wait until preseason in August. Baseball is coming soon, but it just doesn't have the impact of football. I haven't been much of a baseball fan since the strike that wiped out the world series many years ago.
Tiger still stalks the fairways spreading terror in the ranks of the pretenders. This guy is like superman. Any tournament her enters makes him the automatic favorite. I'm not a golfer, but I'll watch him all day long. He brings an excellence and majesty to the game that is so lacking in other sports.

Well, I've babbled on long enough. Time to worship Trish. Y'all have fun now, heah?

yup, yup

The Colts have prevailed in the annual classic. It was bound to happen one of these years. It's too bad it was against the Bears instead of the Cowboys. I am happy anyime maximum pain is being exacted on Jerry Jones. Does that sound mean and vindictive? GOOD!!! T.O. and Jerry deserve each other. Sadly, football season has now come to an end. I discovered this fact as I franticly searched for Monday night football last week. Alas, it is no more. Now we are faced with a long, long wait until preseason in August. It will be difficult to survive Saturdays and Sundays. boo hoo hoo

We are still in the icey grip of winter with daytime highs of 60 or so and lows of 40. At least all that wretched frost is gone. Time to plant the garden. I know that some of you have had some really miserable weather. Well, hahaha.

Both of my little girls have disappeared from my life. They provided an old man with hours of amusement. They are sorely missed.

Speaking of missing, I can hardly wait to be missing from California. We are looking forward to our trek to Nevada. I hope we can accomplish this soon.

My #1 grandson graduates high school in June. He is all set for his college career. His brother is also really smart, but he is also hell on wheels. I hope he decides on a college education too.

It is a grey day here in the San Joaquin valley. The weather report is, "It sucks."

As I gaze at my calendar, I see vast herds of doctor's appointments in our near future. In the good old days, we didn't see the doctor even once a year. Now, it's three time a week. I have said it before, I'll say it again, "The golden years suck." I have decided that the main reason old people die is that they want to escape the 'golden years'. It ain't gold, it is rust.

We are trying to adopt one of my wife's young nieces from the Philippines. Unless you have tried this manuever, you can't believe the amount of useless paperwork that must be accomplished. Why does it have to be so? Well, one of the main reasons is that we have let the lawyers take over our government. It should be illegal to enter into any government function if you have a law degree. I suppose this is just another sign of the moral decay that is being forced upon us by the liberals. booo

I am now depressed. Rats!

It is time to get breakfast and then listen to more Trish.

And so it goes.

Smarty Pants

I realize that I have not waited my customary month or two. That is because I get to brag, and there is little I like better than bragging. Here goes. My oldest grandson, Blake has just been accepted on scholarship to the University of Nevada. I always knew that one of us would turn out to be smart. I'm glad it was he.

In addition, my grand daughter's birthday is coming up on the 30th of January. Ahh, there, you see, it really does feel better now. Bragging is definitely good for you.

On the down side, my wife is now a heart patient. She has had a stent installed in her. She is one unhappy little female. Of course she blames me for the stent. Never mind the fact that it has probably saved her life.

As I predicted, the furnace repair crew finished up in a couple of days. The outside temperature immediately shot up to 71. The weather gods temporarily forgot that I don't like cold weather. Now, they have regained control of their senses as the temp has dropped to about 50. I hate winter. I wish I could afford to move somewhere where there is no winter. Alas, I'm stuck in this miserable weather for at least 4 months every year.

On the sports scene, Federer has once again crushed everybody in the Australian open. That makes 10 majors. Tiger Woods has now scored his 8th PGA tour win in a row. All I can say is,"WOW"!!!

Well, I gotta go listen to Trish now. So it goes.

ugly

Yes, it's true. The weather here is still ugly. We had a hard freeze which pretty much destroyed the citrus crops. O.J. prices are going up!!!

As I predicted, Pelosi and her band of insane, limp-wristed, wimpy liberals are doing their best to destroy our country. The bitch of the century, Hillary, has declared for the presidential race. God help us if she wins. There is no bigger enemy of the U.S. than Hillary the crook.

The mexicans are getting louder in their bid to tear this country apart. We should send all of them back to mexico. It would be a good idea to allow the army to repel the invasion by whatever means necessary. (shoot 'em)

I would like to thank some of you for expressing your views in my e-mail. It is good to know that someone is reading this stuff, even if they are a little bit out of plumb.

My Seahawks lost in their bid to go back to the super bowl. Damn!! The question now is, can the Colts bust the Bears? It is a daunting task, but Manning may have enough horsepower to do it.

Lucky for us, spring is only weeks away. That handy-dandy furnace I laid out 9k bucks for is out of adjustment, so you freeze your ass off downstairs while it is tropical upstairs. The repair dweebs will be here tomorrow. If things go like they did when it was installed in 105 degree heat and was cooling the house nicely for 6 whole days before the temperature plummeted down to the 50's, they'll fix it and a week later it'll be 90 degrees. I just can't seem to get on top of this home owner crap. Maybe I'll just sell out and move into a Las Vegas hotel for the duration.

I have discovered a new singer. Her name is Trish Thuy Trang. She is Vietnamese, but speaks English better than most Americans. She was raised in Texas. If any of you have Limewire, look her up and download some of her songs. I have some suggestions if you'll e-mail me.

Once again, I am starting to think about a trip northward. Like all other years, this'll probably end in disaster as so many others have.

Well, I've gotta go listen to Trish now. Remember, the fat guy in California loves you, sort of.

alright, already

Once again the American people have displayed their abject stupidity by electing another flock of liberal idiots to congress. I guess they have forgotten the Democraps plans to tax us into prosperity. Pelosi, who couldn't outwit a sack of sand, has sworn to try to pass heavy-duty taxes on the rich. What she didn't reveal is that her idea of 'rich' is anyone who makes over $20k a year. Bend over, here it comes!!!!

That whining herd of cry-babies in New York are at it again. Last summer, they wept bitter tears over Arod.(130 rbi's and 30 home runs) Now they are sniveling over Manning just because he hasn't managed to single handedly save the Giants from obliteration. New York doesn't deserve superior players. If it weren't for some really well-heeled owners, no one would want to play there. I know if I were some hot-shot sports ace, they'd have to offer me the girl, the gold watch and everything to play in front of those pussilanimous poultroons.

Winter is here with a vengeance. This week's highs are only in the high 50's. BOO...Hiss Delano scores a big fat zero for weather this month. It is still months until springs arrives. UGH!!

Some of you may have hears runors that we are moving to Las Vegas. I must admit that we are looking for property there. Something half-way between my daughter's house and Ethel M's would be ideal.

Yes, it is once again that time of year when little children are at their best, their beastly little hearts hoping to wipe out a year of evil with a couple of weeks of angelic behavior. When mothers prepare to build memories for years to come. When fathers clean their rifles, hoping to ,at last, get those reindeer tenderloins. Most men believe that there should be an elf season, especially fat elves in red suits and fruity little tasseled hats. You know, the ones that max out your credit cards annually.

And so, I will bid everyone a Merry Christmas. And it is CHRISTmas. Whip a liberal for Jesus!!!

nyny

It is true!!! The 2 most powerful baseball teams the world has ever seen have been blown away. All I can say is, hahahahahahahahaha!!! So much for those snooty, snotty New York teams.

How about those Saints? Who'd a thunk it?

Well, we are now in the icy grip of winter. Temperatures barely make it into the low 80s and plummet to the high 40s at night. If I'm going to freeze, I'd much rather do it somewhere water flows and has fish in it. Having a miserable time...wish you were here.......instead of me!!

I can't believe how much better I feel since I stopped watching TV news. No wonder that we are in such tough shape. The media has turned out to be a flock of joy-busting morons with little to do with truth. I am convinced that we need to seriously overhaul our entire media system. Whatever happened to balanced reporting? Arrogance is the #1 trait displayed by the press. They ignore the courts and have invented the "right to know". Where, exactly does it say that the public has a right to know everything? I can't find it. The media thought it up to justify their lust for dirt. It would be worth it to be in the public eye just to tell the media to buzz off.

My #1 grandson's birthday is rapidly approaching. Luckily, my wife will make the journey to Las Vegas to bestow gifts upon him. I have no idea what she'll give him. I don't think I want to know. As long as it isn't ballet slippers, I'll be happy.

On a less happy note, my sweet little girl will be leaving soon and heading back to Alaska. I count myself lucky to have had her this long.

I still have not yet won the lottery. Would 40 or 50 million dollars change me? HELL YES!!! People who say it would have no significant impact on their way of life are kidding themselves.

The next five months will be colder than a pocketful of penguin poop, but I will once again attempt to survive it. Oh well................

September song

So there I was in the middle of a 110 degree heat wave when my central sir conditioning gave up the ghost. Sears was happy to replace it for only $8.5k. Of course, three days after the installation was completed, the temperature plummeted down to 80 and has stayed there ever since. There must be some corrolary to Murphy's law that covers such events.

My Okies lost to Oregon and the zebras, who made two really bad calls at a critical moment. On a brighter note, Notre Dame, picked by the usual gang of moron sports writers to become national champions this year, got their asses kicked hard by Michigan which wasn't even in the top ten.

As you may have guessed from my preamble, the weather here is just barely acceptable. Temps are in the high 70's and low 80's. They say it will warm up later this week, but I have no faith in it.

I have given up watching the news and find I am much, much happier in the land of the ignorant. The news always tilts slightly to the left of Marx. Who needs it? Not me.

Whatever happened to Bin Ladin? Are we ever going to capture that repulsive pile of dog shit? If it were up to me, I'd give all those dingle-weed countries in the area three days to produce his slimey ass and then I'd nuke them all. It might turn out to be a learning experience for the rest of those dorks who give us so much grief.

I see that KFC is waiting. Until my next tirade, aloha.

boo hoo hoo

You have heard that New York baseball fans are really tough because of the way they BOO their heroes during a slump, AROD, for instance. I think they are they biggest cry babies in these United States. What a herd of wimps!!! A truly excellent player hits a little rough spot, and this bunch of whining, simpering pussies make life miserable for him. New York does not deserve a team with outstanding players. If it wasn't for Steinbrenner's bucks, they would get the third rate team they are crying for.

The weather here was just right for a while. It was 105 to 115 for about 3 weeks. Now it has cooled to 95-100. Satifactory, but nothing like the glory days of July. The days are growing shorter. I see the spectre of winter starting to rear it's ugly head.

The middle east morons continue to show that they don't deserve to live. I still maintain that the only way to solve that problem is to nuke the hell out of them. I would have said, 'nuke 'em back to the stone age, but that would be a big step forward for them. Of course that gang of limp-wristed bufoons in Washington won't do it. They would rather see our wonderful country thrown to the dogs than give up political correctness. Too bad there isn't some way to get rid of the entire worthless crew and start all over. We need people with guts and foresight to oversee our governments affairs. I have no doubt that we will go to war with Iran. When we do, we should carefully consider the nuclear option.

Our grandchildren have gone back to Nevada. We had a great time with them. My grand daughter (age 3) now swims like a fish. My #2 grandson is turning into a first class little kid. He is going to be LARGE! My #1 grandson will be in college next year. Maybe when he graduates, he'll buy buy me the yacht I so richly deserve.

Our 15 year old will be a sophomore this year. She is already making noises about volleyball, basketball and track. The fun never stops!!!!

Where did he go?

That's the question that will be on everyone's lips after I win the $106 million dollar lottery tomorrow. I'll disappear like the morality of the media, never to be seen again. I have already produced a list of things I'll get, where I'll go and what I'll do. OOOOPS!!! There's that dream again. I get it every time the lottery gets over 100 million. Damn!!

Does anybody know who won the Stanley Cup? Or the World Cup? Or even if they've been played? Does anyone care?

The weather here is perfect. During the days it is 90 to 105 and at night it plummets down to 72 or 73. Delano gets a big "A" for weather this week.

As you know, we are being invaded from the south by a vast herd of ne'er do well welfare seekers. Contact your congressional people and the president. Let them know that this is totally unacceptable. We need the Army on the border with orders to shoot the invaders.

Are we ever going to catch Ben Ladin? He has drifted away from the mainstream media's attention. They have more important things to consider, like steroids in sports.

Once again, I am hoping to make an out of state trip. I really want it to happen, mostly because I am completely fed up with California. C'mon lottery!!

YES

So the low, slinking animal that was zarqawi has departed permanently. The media mutants are displeased because they had to admit that zarqawi was rubbed out in Iraq, thus sealing the Iraq Al Qaeda tie. So President Bush was right all along and that pack of left wing pansies was wrong. This kind of makes me wonder what else the liberal sniffers are wrong about. I suspect that at least 90% of what passes for news is at least tainted and the other 10% is pure unadulterated bullshit. This is a huge blow to the pinko commie liberal faction. Will it swing this year's election results? We can only hope.

Daily temperatures here in Delano have been running in the mid 90s. That is satifactory. We have all been swimming for the last two days. How could anyone embrace winter when summer is so clearly superior? In my opinion, those who bitch about heat and praise the cold are definitely squirrel bait.

One of my nephews in Spokane is turning into a pro grade baseball player. He is a great kid with good grades and no bad habits. I'll report from time to time on his progress into the world of professional sports.

Two of my grandchildren have arrived. This is great. I get to torpedo all their mother's excellent traing and then send them home like little guided missiles. Grandchildren are much more fun than children. Revenge is sweet!!

WRONG........again

So there I sat on the deck. I looked at the pool. It was a beautiful, crystal clear blue. I observed the flower beds and the vegetable garden. It was all starting to bloom under the warm (102 degree) Southern California sun. A perfect day. That was 3 short days ago. I thought summer was upon us at last! But, NO!! It rained on me today. The temperature has dropped off to a chilly 71 degrees. Once again, I was wrong in assuming that summer was present. Summer is still lurking beyond the veil of global cooling. Yes, it's true. The world is getting colder, not warmer. I believe another ice age is not far away. YUK!!!

The media maggots are still in hot pursuit of Barry Bonds. He gets more publicity than the war. Lighten up! He has never flunked a drug test. He has answered all the questions that the inquisition has offered. They have proven just exactly nothing. I'll bet if he only had 100 home runs, we wouldn't hear a peep out of the talking heads. Does this sound like I have no respect for the media? BINGO!!!! They are a greedy herd of obnoxious, arrogant assholes who have taken it upon themselves to adjudicate every case that floats to the top.
Last weekend the poles revealed that the lowest rated show on the entire weekend was the Stanley cup playoffs. Yup, they scored even lower than ladies Lacrosse. Their market share was an abysmal 0.09.
Once again the American people are being fed a bunch of propaganda aimed at propping up the failing professional soccer league. It ain't gonna work. Americans have football, baseball and basketball. The most exciting thing about a soccer game is watching the grass on the field grow. It's about the same for hockey, except in hockey, you watch the ice melt.

Gas prices continue to rise unabated. Maybe some genius will figure out a way to convert water into hydrogen and oxygen to burn in our engines. It would be a real shame to say farwell forever to our Arab 'chums', but I think most of us could get along without them after a brief period of adjustment. 10 seconds ought to do it.

Speaking of pond scum, I am coming to believe that the only way to have peace with Islam is to kill all of them, everywhere. If you think this is too harsh, you have probably never lived in a Moslem country. Most of that ilk are vile, low individuals who absolutely cannot be trusted. The cancer must be removed completely if the operation is to be a success.

My little girl is visiting relatives in Alaska. She'll be back in June. My grandchildren will be here around the first of June or so. Grandma and I are anxiously awaiting their arrival.

And so it goes.

Great result!!

Thanks to all of you who prayed for my cousin's recovery from surgery. He is home and recuperating nicely. Now say one more prayer of thanks to God who made it happen.

I have revised my opinion on how to deal with the Mexican problem. Instead of rounding them up, we should be gunning them down. When are the Americans going to wise up? We are the object of a full scale invasion from the south. A formal declaration of war is in order. Station our armies on the border. Shoot the invaders. Round up all the illegal aliens and shoot them as spies. You would soon see a major exodus to the south. It wouldn't take much to convince the Mexican government to take some strong action on their side of the border. Especially if they suspected that their country was about to be invaded from the north. Is this a drastic solution? Yes, but we have a drastic problem. time to fix it. Does this sound like I have no sympathy for the poor little invading Mexicans? I do not have any sympathy for invaders.

When is the Barry Bonds saga going to end? He has passed evey drug test ever administered to him. Leave him alone. That hack writer who crucified him for the sake of selling his miserable books should be publicly flogged. Am I a Bonds fan? Not especially, but I don't believe in this kind of trial by idiots.

Are you dismayed by the price of gasoline? You should be pissed off. The oil companies are price gouging on a massive scale. This fall, they will be publicly shocked by their incredible profits. Privately, however, they will be congratulating each other on a major 'mission accomplished'. I don't know what the solution is. I guess we could take over the oil fields by force and fire all the Arabs. It would be less drastic to find an alternative fuel. Something must be done and quickly. The money that should be in American pockets is flooding into Arab pockets. That ain't right.

almost there

Yes, it's true!!! Summer is almost here. Daytime temps here are mid eighties to low nineties. I have turned off the heater. In a week or so the pool may be warm enough to use. The weather report from Delano is....fair.

So now the illegal aliens have decided to strike. How long are we going to take this kind of insulting abuse from a bunch of criminals. Now that those lunatics are all gathered together in bunches, we should swoop in and arrest them all. Immediate deportation is the solution. Those who are U.S. citizens should be tried for aiding and abetting a foreign invasion. Treason.

It should also be obvious by now that the only permanent solution to the middle east debacle is to nuke them completely off the face off the earth. Arrest all of them who are outside the middle east and execute them. Then, and only then, will we find the peace we desire. If we continue to let the 'diplomats' handle it, we'll be at war for 2,000 years. When termites invade your home, you don't negotiate, you obliterate.

While we are talking about obliteration, I sure wish I had an RPG to take care of those inconsiderate assholes with there 10,000 watt car stereos. It would be very peasant watching them disappear in a blinding flash and a ball of smoke.

The NFL draft is almost over. Once again the so-called experts in the media have shown that they know nothing about how football teams think. Most of them have been at least 85% wrong. Wouldn't you like a job that pays hundreds of thousands a year and lets you be totally incompetent? Sign me up!!!

My little girl made the honor roll!!! Who'd a thunk it? She goes back to visit Alaska at the end of May. She'll be back in late June. My grandchildren will be arriving about the first of June. Life marches on.

If any of you are the praying type, say a little prayer for my cousin, Sterling, who will undergo an extremely dangerous operation on Monday. Do I believe in the power of prayer? Well, duh, it saved my raggedy butt.

About 2 months ago, I stopped listening to the news on TV and radio. Whoever said that ignorance is bliss was definitely right! I haven't been this blissful and relaxed in years! I must admit that I do tune in at sporadic intervals, but the news never changes. Only the names and places. It is like a soap opera. Who needs it? Not me!!

My buddy in North Carolina says the fishing is starting to improve. A little more heat and I may try it myself. There are few places to fish in this valley and getting out of the valley is a semi-long trek. Am I just making excuses? YES..

Gee, I feel 100% better now that I have off-loaded all that bile and tripe!

Don't forget to sock to the ACLU at every opportunity.

Give piece a chance. Or, at least try heavy petting.

Lacrosse???

What is Lacrosse? Does anybody really care if some Lacrosse players got drunk and poked a stripper? Once again the media has found a juicy sex-laden cause to wrap it's mitts around. The media thrives on sex and drug scandals. All we've been hearing from the limited minds of the media is Lacrosse and Bonds. Enough already!! The entire nation is fed up with being fed a steady diet of this kind of trash. WE DO NOT NEED ANY MORE!!!!!

Today the sun has made one of its brief appearances this year. It is a refreshing change from the steady drip, drip, drip of the past month. It was like the whole state had the clap. A little shot of solar penicillin is just what the doctor ordered. Once again, my pool looks like a swamp thanks to over-flowing rain water from the garden. It'll take at least a week to clear it up. Once again, my wife is preparing to chomp on the pool boy about cleaning the filter.

I am waiting for a couple of weeks of steady sunshine before I go fishing. I still want to go surf fishing over at San Simeon. It should be really good once the clouds go away.

My grandchildren will be here for spring break. I can hardly wait. Too many moons have passed since last they visited. We'll be having a major bar-b-q unless the water gods conspire against us.

Now a word about illegal aliens. They are 'illegal aliens'. They are NOT 'undocumented immigrants'. They are in this country illegally. The plans currently being debated in Congress are far too lenient. We should scoop all of them up and immediately deport them. They should have to undergo the same tedious procedure that the legal immigrants have to withstand. They are all felons. Criminals. That crap that the liberal media feeds us about how much they are worth to us does not take into account the fact that they have totally destroyed our health care systems and educational establishments and have overloaded our courts. Many of these criminals were criminals in their countries of origin. Now they are here, murdering, stealing and selling dope. When will we wise up? It should not be the business of the American taxpayer to continue to support these criminals. Their native governments should reform and keep them at home. Fat chance!! Those governments are too corrupt to give their own people a break. However, we are not responsible for their ineptitude. Since countries like Mexico refuse to reform and actually encourage this illegal behaviour, I think we should declare war on them, kick their asses and then annex them. They are, after all, invading our country. There is nothing wrong with a little imperialism.

Please do not forget to dump on the ACLU at every opportunity. The ACLU is the most subversive, dangerous gang of maniacs at large in the U.S. today.

Looks like my acidic inkwell is just about dry for today. Oh well.

Hail Yes!!!!

Not only has the miserable weather rained on us every day for 2 weeks, now it has hailed. What a mess!! I guess you know what my assessment of Delano weather will be today. It is cold, wet and altogether unpleasant. Guam is looking better every day. I wish I weren't so lazy.

There has been a rash of violence amoung the various teams in our sporting world. The hand-wringers are wondering what to do about it. The answer is simple. First violation, 1 year suspended without pay. Second violation, you are gone for good. That may be a little harsh, especially for some sports where contact is common, but it would get rid of the trouble makers and criminals.

My sweet little daughter, who lives in Las Vegas, recently was sponsered into a poker tournament backed by Jeff Gordon. Guess who she took out first? Yup, that's right, she sent ol' Jeff packin'. HAHAHAHAHA. Busted out of his own tournament by a woman amatuer. Incidently, she was sponsered by Sam Schmidt who owns some Indy cars and some Infiniti Pro race cars. He is number one in my book.

Spring is almost here and with it comes fishing season. I sure hope I am able to get out this year. I have a whole room full of fishing equipment that has not been used in three years.

About a week ago some low life asshole put a dent in my wife's new truck in the supermarket parking lot. Naturally, the cowardly little worm escaped unnoticed. Estimated cost of repair is $2,000. Luckily, insurance will pay the bulk of it, but it just burns my butt to think we'll have to pay the deductible because of some sniveling sleaze-bag.

The war in Iraq goes on. Our President is determined to stay the course until the fanatics are defeated. Nobody likes this war, but we must stay with it until all those murdering swine are dead. Yes, DEAD!! My greatest fear is that the American people will elect some left-wing, liberal wimp who will, in effect, give up, cut and run.

I was sickened to see that one of my heroes, Randy Cunningham got busted for being a crook. Here is a guy who was a war hero, a fighter ace and a number one straight shooter. He was corrupted by politics. If those lying bums can corrupt someone like Cunningham, they can probably corrupt anyone except Jimmy Stewart.

Teach a kid to shoot. Teach him/her to fish. Don't let our precious heritage die.

BOOO HISSS

I have one comment on Super Bowl XL. "Seattle 10, Steelers and Zebras 21."

The temperature here is huffing and puffing and trying to get into the 70's. This is probably not a harbinger of spring, but an evil, devious tactic by the global warming idiots to make us let our guard down. I, however, am not fooled. I will still wear my cold costume until I see some real improvement. I think that even if the global warming nuts are right, so what? We could stand some warmer weather.

We have now entered that wretched time of year when there is no football and it is too cold to go fishing. Since I can't drink anymore, my recreational options are limited. I guess I'm just stuck with quantum mechanics until the fish start biting.

One day, a week ago or so, my sweet little wife called me from the Chevy dealer and announced she was purchasing a new truck. Yes it's big, it's red and it's expensive. I wish her the best of luck. Women are definitely high maintenance items.

Hey, hockey is back in a new, more exciting form!! You can watch the game and place your bets all at the same time. I guess, though, that it is similar to the other sporting venues. I wonder if there are any 'pro' athletes who are not on the take one way or another. Probably only bowlers, whose expectations are very low to start with. That having been said, the next big scandal will likely involve the bowlers and a beer and donut conspiracy.

I am more convinced than ever that we are reverse-engineering alien technology. Look for some major advances in the next 10 years.

My buddy in Maryland is convinced there will be a world war in the near future. If there is, we should make sure the Arabs get crushed like bugs no matter who we are fighting. I, for one, have taken enough crap from those sand eating, goat milking, camel jockeys. They have robbed us blind for years and have financed our enemies with our own bucks. Time to pay the piper. The dance is over!!

We're still wanting to make a major trip this year. Unlike other years, however, I am not going to predict out departure. This only leads to a disastrous result. If we go, it will be mostly unplanned and unexpected.

Well, back to the exciting world of particle physics.
And so it goes.

AHA!!!

I was spot-on when I predicted that further predictions would lead to the untimely demise of my chosen teams. I made no prediction on the playoff games and both of my favorites are now conference champions. My plan is to continue not predicting. It seems to work well and it makes me happy. Expect no prognostication from this corner on the outcome of the super bowl.

Delano weather is still in the refrigerator class. A couple of nights, it has dropped down close to freezing. BOOO, HISS!! Oh well, only a couple of more months until the return of decent weather. I can stay hunkered down for that long.

My wife went back to work last week. She is not happy about it until payday. Then, she turns into queen for a day. I want her to quit. She won't do it. Women!

Housing prices in this area are skyrocketing. Maybe next year I can afford to sell this hovel and move to somewhere fishable.

It is refreshing to see Hillary dropping in the polls. Maybe the American people aren't as stupid as I thought. I believe the dumocraps have looked down the road to the next election and concluded that Hillary is going to be a giant liability. She has apparently been taking stupidity lessons from Mr. Dean. Every time her mouth opens, she jams another foot in it. Right now it looks as though the leading candidate is McCain. That's too bad, because he backs some truly unAmerican policies. Yet, he is better than Hillary. So is Fred, the dog catcher.

Grey, Grey, Grey

Ah yes, another foggy day in the refrigerator that is Southern California. The temperature has plummeted down into the 50 to 60 range. It has even had the timerity to dive below 50 on occasion. Ugly, ugly weather. I guess you know that the weather report from here will be, "It intensely Sucks!!"

I will now make my final prediction on football games. The prediction is.....no more predictions. I have chosen this course because this last season has proven that I have no talent for it. Turns out I'm about 90% wrong. In fact, by merely selecting a winning team, I seem to cast some sort of evil spell upon it, thereby rendering it helpless against any foe. Boo! I would say, "Go Seahawks!!" but I know that would seal their doom.

Once again we are busily planning trips that probably won't happen. I am fully confident that any plans that are made and approved will be negated by some disaster. Recent history has shown that carefully planning a vacation trip somehow triggers the dark forces in the universe to conspire against it and nullify the effort.

Does this entire blog seem a little down? Well its not my fault. I always get grumpy when its cold. I'll be much happier next summer when it is a toasty 105. In fact, the only people who seem to be happy in the cold are those fools who slither down frozen slopes on a pair of boards.

Christmas was a lot more expensive than I thought it would be. Next year, there'll be reindeer meat on the table.

Bah, Humbug

And so we come to Christmas. Another year of being mugged by a fat man in a red suit. Ho Ho Hum. I assume, that like everyone else, you guys are spending far too much and will be regretting your largess well into next summer. I know I've already exceeded my Christmas budget by at least 200%. On the other hand, maybe a Christmas budget is merely a figment of our imaginations. It may not exist. Yeah, that's it!! I feel better already.

The weather report from Delano describes horror beyond belief. Night time temperatures are edging down toward freezing. Day time weather isn't much better, with temperatures seldom exceeding 60. I am counting the days until spring and it isn't even officially winter yet. That wretched moment happens on the 22nd. Fog is once again present in the valley. Another bonus. I now am absolutely positive I'm at least 1000 miles too far north.

It is most amusing watching the sports "experts" as they try to sort out who will polish off the Colts. The correct answer is, "Nobody will, if they play their first string the rest of the year." The only team that has a remote chance of beating them is Seattle, and it'll take a bushel of good luck for that to happen.

My wife has decided to present smoked ducks for our Christmas repast. I just love those tender little duckies. Yum. I have also ordered some smoked salmon. It'll be great, if a little non-traditional. Our Filipino friends have somehow found out about these succulent morsels and have invited themselves over for dinner. Oh well, maybe some of them will bring gifts. Does that sound too avaricious? I don't care. It is what it is.

I spend a lot of time these days trying to figure out how to totally destroy the ACLU with going to jail for it. At least those satan loving bastards are starting to lose on a lot of fronts, because the real Americans have been pushed too far. Maybe the miserable assholes will just sort of dissipate. Don't forget to fire your lawyer if he/she is an ACLU member. Let them know why they are being canned, then laugh at them.

If any of you guys are hunters or fishermen, don't forget to take some kids with you on your outdoor adventures. We need to instill in our children some traditional family values. I recently discovered that some little girls like hunting and fishing, so don't forget to ask them, too.

I'll try to post another blog before New Years. It'll give me another chance to whine and bitch about the weather. Or maybe I'll just weep silently. In fact. I'm starting now. boo hoo hoo

blizzard

Yes, it's almost blizzard conditions here in Delano. The temperature has plummeted down to 60. Clouds are besmirching my blue sky. It is miserable. It's colder than a witch's tit. I am freezing my ass off. I promised whining, and this is it. Therefore, I am reporting that the weather here sucks. Boo Hoo Hoo

Sir Peyton of Manning has done it again. The Colts are now 11-0. Watching him work is a hypnotic experience. He seems to be piddling around, changing plays, performing strange rituals and then suddenly, the score shoots way up and it is too late for his hapless victims. Incredible!!

My daughter and grandchildren were here for Thanksgiving. We had a great time. As usual, my wife cooked a magnificent meal. I ate too much. I don't care. My grand daughter is so sweet. So innocent. So beautiful. So evil. You can look into her eyes and tell that the horns will be sprouting any day now. There is no doubt in my military mind that she will break many hearts and laugh about it. Just what my daughter deserves. I love it!

As far as the world situation goes, I believe God should send another flood and get rid of the whole mess. Maybe he could start all over again with something smarter......like dolphins or parakeets. You just know he's not pleased. He already knocked a big chunk off of the Supreme Court building. When are those secular morons going to wise up? Maybe he'll spare most of us and just bump off the truly deserving. Like the ACLU. And the 9th circuit court of appeals. In the good old days, there would have been Christian lynch mobs solving these problems. Unfortunately, the people who should be making a difference are too complacent, too politically correct. The sad fact is that if we don't stop the madness soon, we will all slide off the edge together.

My brother said that one of my nephews shot a big whitetail buck up in eastern Washington. He even sent pictures. It is, indeed, a big buck. Good hunting!!!!

Gasoline prices continue to drop. I guess the big oil companies got a little scare with all the nation-wide boycots and congressional investigations. You didn't know about the boycots? Maybe you should go back into hibernation. The recent oil crisis was obviously manufactured, just like the one in the early 70's. I have always believed that the Arabs are plotting against us. How can you look at all these price increases and doubt it?

Remember, it is not a mid-winter break, it is a Christmas vacation. Anyone who gives you any crap about that fact deserves a punch in the suck.

The longer I drive this Cadillac, the better I like it. It is smooth, powerful, beautiful and fairly economical. I get close to 30 mpg at 75 on the highway. My brother called it a pimp-mobile. He ain't got no culture.

And so it goes.

Stupidity

I always suspected that Californians were among the most stupid people on the planet. The elections of 2005 have confirmed these suspicions. We had a chance to reform government by changing the current gerrymandering scheme to something where the people had a chance at actually electing their representatives. SHOT DOWN!!! We had a chance to rein in government spending by placing limits on an assortment of tax-and-spend measures, SHOT DOWN!!! We had a chance to improve education by changing the tenure rules. SHOT DOWN!!!So the liberals and their vast constituency of illegal aliens have turned California into a socialist state. For those of you who are laughing behind your smug little smiles, let me point out that the California socialistic form of government is spreading to other nearby states and infecting their governments. Almost the entire west coast has been gobbled up by this tax devouring monster. You guys in Oregon and Washington would do well to ask your ex-Californian politicians to leave before it is too late.

You guys out there who send me e-mails about religion and think you are doing "God's" work should be advised that you can't do God's work. God has already done his work. Do your own work. And please, if you have e-mail threatening dire consequences if I don't forward it, or claiming that I don't give a damn about God if I delete it, save it for someone else. Everytime I read one of these things, I get the feeling that I'm being blackmailed. Is that your intent? hmmm


Do any of us in the real world really give a damn about the adventures of Terrell Owens? It was a great day when the Eagles fired that egotistical, greedy, stupid jerk. Now he's gone. We don't need 6 or 8 months more reporting on his current condition. He's out. The NFL is better off without him. Time to move on.

The weather here in Delano continues to deteriorate. Daytime highs are in the high 60's to low 70's. We have constant cloud cover. It sucks. It will be another year of rising equity before I am able to sell this place and move on to greener pastures. Unless I win the lottery. C'mon lottery!!!

Rah Rah Rah

It was a great Saturday of college football. My Okies won and the Irish lost. They not only lost, but they lost in the most gut-wrenching, painful way they could have, on the last play of the game. So, ha ha ha, sis boom bah. Of course they media dorks are saying that they really didn't lose, that it was 'character building', that it was too close to call. Let me help them out. Notre Dumb lost, lost, lost. The media are also predicting no more losses for their beloved Irish. I, on the other hand, am predicting no more wins. Does that sound mean and vindictive? Well it is. So what?

Did anyone notice that hockey is back? I didn't. How can there be any fans left when they wiped out an entire season and gained nothing? It took me 15 years to get over the debacle caused by the greedy baseball players, and I like baseball.

Wow, earthquakes, floods, tidal waves....does any of this sound familiar? If not, please refer to Revelations. You remember Revelations, it's in the back of the Bible.

I am close to getting my boy into high school. He was expelled a year ago up in Alaska for toting an empty BB gun across school grounds on his way to his cousin's house. Have we turned in to such a bunch of pussies that this offence warrants a year's expulsion? Say a word of thanks to the pencil-neck liberals. If they had their complete dream about firearms, they probably would have executed him.

Have any of you given some heavy thought as to what we have to thank the liberals for? Allow me to help you.
If it hadn't been for the liberals, there would be very little or no income tax. We wouldn't have Gestapo-like organizations like the EPA and the IRS to enrich our lives with economic and social terror. There would be reciprocal trade agreements with trading countries instead of a flock of treaties that destroy our labor base and send our manufacturers overseas. Little dick-weed countries would not be accepting our largess while stabbing us in the back. There are dozens of other abominations we can thank the left-wing idiots for. In fact, if you give it a little thought, you can uncover a few of your own.

Summer is deserting us. The temp plummets down below 60 at night and barely reach 85 in the daytime. The weather in Delano if so-so.

Oh well

Z & Z

I guess by now all of you have heard of the letter featuring zawahiri and al zarakawi. What it means is this...even if we cut and run from Iraq, the situation will not get better, it will get worse. Al Quaida's stated intent is to press on until it over runs Israel. Do we care? Well, what do you think their next target would be? Eventually, it will be the U.S. Even the sniveling cowards on the left will have to admit that they were wrong, wrong, wrong and the President was correct. You don't need an IQ of 160 to realize that we must eradicate the the terrorists. The real question is, where do you want to do it? Basra or Chicago? What will the liberal poltroons have to say when we are fighting the terrorists in Miami, Los Angeles and Kansas City? No doubt, they'll come up with a bunch of weasel-worded excuses and pusillanimous whining to try to justify their anti-American policies, but by then, it will be too late. Remember this little missive during the next election in 2008 and don't let the cowards into office.

Much ado is being made over the President's nomination of one of his close associate to the Supreme Court. Did anyone believe that he would appoint some one he didn't know? The far right are crying like babies. The far left are crying like babies. I would therefore conclude that she's just about right for the job. Everyone is whining about her not having any judicial experience. So what? That stogie bunch of dried up lawyers need someone that is not of their ilk to give a little balance to the court. Could it turn out to be a mistake? Sure, but that has happened before with people who were guaranteed to be conservative and turned out to be flaming liberals. The woman has not yet been interviewed by the senate. How the hell can you judge her without a hearing? I detect the rotten smell of media interference.

Is anybody shocked that the oil companies are reporting record profits? What is to be done? Well the suggestion that comes to mind is to reduce demand. How? Tap into an alternative energy source. What source? How the hell would I know? My job is to bitch and moan. I ain't no scientist.

My Okies lost again. This time to Texas. BOOOO. Maybe next year us Sooner fanatics will have something to cheer about. This year appears to be shot. I suspect it won't be long until USC falls from the ranks of the unbeaten. They've come too close too many times.

It is getting colder and colder here. Daytime temperatures barely reach the mid 80s. Winter is upon us. BOOOOO.

My two new kids are working out well. I don't understand what problem brought them to our door, but I do know that providence has smiled upon us. I haven't felt this good in years.

And so it goes.

GOD

Let's review some of the possible causes of the recent cataclismic events happening to our country.
1. We have allowed the ACLU to take over our country.
2. We are allowing our babies to be killed.
3. We allow queers to marry.
4. Any reference to GOD or Christianity is in the process of being removed from all our government institutions.
5. School prayers are no longer allowed.
6. The most wretched court in the land, the ninth circuit court of appeals, has issued several decisions that are absolutely insane.
7. We listened to those tree hugging morons and didn't build any new refineries. We didn't build any new nuclear power plants. We are barred from drilling new wells in Alaska, California and off the east coast.
8. Idiots like Kennedy, Feinstein and Schumer try to hold our Senate hostage on a continuing basis.
I could go on for hours, but I think you get the drift. Our dumb-ass courts have allowed our country to be hijacked by the lunatic left. They have not only pissed off every real American, worse, they seem to have pissed off GOD. Now I am fully aware that weather phenomenon comes and goes. I am aware that some misguided flakes think that destroying our power base is just hunky dory. What I am telling you is, that like Sodom (sodomy leagalized) and Gomorrah, we could be reduced to rubble if we don't try to repair the damage done by the traitorous left.

Death

Yes, it is horribly true. Summer has died. It rained here this morning. BUMMER!!! Rain signals the end of summer and the beginning of fall. I can't believe that it rained here in September. Global warming is a myth. I think that global cooling is a reality. Warmth has drifted astern. WE ARE DOOMED!!! I just changed the water in the pool, too. GAAAAAAAHHHHH.

I am sitting at this keyboard, writing this blog and listening to the Eagles. I am convinced that the Eagles are one of the top 3 bands in the 20th century.

Last weekends pro football was unsatifying. All the wrong teams won. What a mess. And then we have the fights. One before the game and one in the middle of a NASCAR race. The only way to keep these idiots from fighting is to lay some heavy fines and suspensions on them. I think that if you initiate a fight, you should be suspended for a year. That would be a full year, not until the end of the season, but this time next year.

New Orleans has had enough. As I write, another major hurricane is headed in that direction. By the way, have you heard anything about Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, the ACLU or any of the othe other anti-American morons doing anything but bitching about racial discrimination in the rescue effort? Who do they think rescued all those black people during the flood? I'll guarantee you tha it wasn't Jackson, Sharpton or any of the rest of those bigotted assholes. They were a thousand miles from the action, passing solemn gas through their waffle-bottomed chairs and explaining to the media how the very people who were doing the rescue were somehow bad. What a crock!! Even their constituents should be able to see through the lies spread by these windbags.

My two new children are starting to get unruly, so I better shut the blog down.

Ah, the good life!!

Precognition

It has finally happened. I got a blog comment before I even wrote the blog!!! One of my readers suggested that New Orleans should be allowed to sink on its own. While it is true that the mayor of New Orleans and the governor of Louisianna should take a major hit for their incompetent handling of the crisis, I don't think the people of that state or any other state should have to shoulder the burden of disaster by themselves. After all, they are Americans. Most of them are penniless and in great need of federal assistance. The President has taken responsibility for the governments mishandling of the events following the passage of Katrina. He, like Harry Truman, is correct in saying, "The buck stops here". It will be months, maybe even years, until the "Big Easy" is big and easy again. Until then, I believe it is every American's duty to cheerfully help restore one of our major cities.

My Okies lost again. UCLA kicked their asses hard. I could just cry! On the other hand, Notre Dame lost. That is a very good thing because it keeps the idiot sportswriters from proclaiming them to be #1. It looks like another stellar season for USC. I don't see anyone in the division capable of staying with them. In fact, as the season rolls on, they'll probably get stronger.

My buddy, Carl, in North Carolina, has expressed his hope that Ophilia will push enough water back up into Pamlico Sound to start the trout biting again. He was well prepared for the storm. He laid in 1/2 case of whiskey.

The temperature here is steadily declining. Nights are getting down into the 60 degree range. BOOOOO!!! Days are only in the mid to upper 80s. Soon the weather will intensley suck once again. For now, it only gets a "C".

George did it!!!

Once again, the pinko left wing idiots are blaming the President for a natural disaster. Barbara (the check bouncer) Boxer has once again shown that she is truly insane by making competely idiotic statements about the situation in New Orleans. Leave it up to the dumocraps to try to extract political profit from a national disaster. Whose side are these weasels on? Now is the time for the stupid-ass rock stars, dumber-than-rocks actors and other ultra left morons to get off the podium and go to the bank. Withdraw some of their ill gotten gains and donate to the cause. Most of the rich black rockers and actors are using this disaster to play the race card. Who do they think made them rich? Ghetto blacks? Not hardly. The very people they are bitching about brought them their wealth. Oh well, I guess you don't have to be smart to be a star. Of course the miserable yuks on the left side of Congress are as much to blame as the 'stars'. They would rather sit around and whine about supposed weaknesses than actually get off their chubby, well groomed butts and render some help. Hey, there, Teddy boy, why don't you give some of your vast, unearned fortune to the cause instead of blaming the President for the disaster? Teddy's butt should be behind bars right now. How could the people of Massachusettes be stupid enough to keep electing this abomination? Listen up all you liberal dopes!!! Hurricane Katrina is responsible for the New Orleans disaster. George didn't do it!!

The football season is on again!! It's about time!! Unfortunately. My Okies lost on the first weekend. Notre Dame won. Two black marks to start out with. With any luck, the Sooners will triumph for the rest of the season and Notre Dame won't score another point. USC appears to be back in the driver's seat. Is there no one who can beat them? Maybe not.
As I write this, the U.S. Open Tennis championships are under weigh. Andy lost in the first round. Why does he do these strange things? At least the Americans are making a hearty charge this year. Maybe one of them will prevail. Let us hope.

The temperature in Delano continues to plummet toward the 80s. It's not enough to bitch about yet, but it won't be long until I'm whining.

As far as Katrina goes, as usual the media is providing total overkill on the coverage of the events there. It is, indeed, a terrible situation, but do we really need to hear about it 24/7? Has anyone heard anything about Aruba lately? Minimum coverage has been provided over the nominatiojn of a new Supreme Court Chief Justice. Roberts will be on the court long after Katrina is a bitter memory. I personally hope that they rebuild the Big Easy. I believe that they will. Maybe this time, they'll expend the funds to build an adequate levee system.

And so it goes.

Say "MEOW"

So I settled in to watch the first college game of the year. Suddenly, the ESPN 'sportscasters' engaged in a debate on whether the Utah team should change it's name to keep from pissing off the NCAA. They droned on for 1/2 hour or more, finally shutting up at half time. Who cares what the Utah team is calling itself? I don't and I don't want to hear another debate by a herd of media pussies about it. Maybe, they could rename the team after the media dwarfs. They could be the "Utah dickweeds"!!

Fortune has once again smiled on our family. We are the recipients of two more children, ages 14 and 15. The migrated in from Kodiak, Alaska. They were supposed ot be staying with relatives, but through an unlikely sequence of events, they wound up with us. I'm not bitching about it. They are good kids. I'm sure we'll get along well together.

The WNBA season drags on and on. When will it go away? Please, please make it soon. Tonight the pussketball game carried over into the boxing match. BOOOO!

The weather in Delano is good once again. I am grateful.

Respite

So, we took the trip to Morro Bay. My wife and I had a great time. The sea breeze!!! The salt air!!!! Water!! Fish!! We ate at a great restaurant called The Great American Fish Company. The food was terrific. We couldn't finish all of it. Of course, there was a fly in the ointment. Unfortunately, it was all my fault. I selected what is probably the worst hotel in the United States for our evening rest. I have stayed in a vast array of overnight accomodations, world-wide. Tents, nepa huts, grass shacks, the list is endless. I have never, however, stay in a crumbier dump than the "Best Value Inn" in Morro bay. The room cost 200 bucks. It was smaller than my bedroom at home. The "bathroom" was smaller than my closet. The bed was an army surplus number that was lumpy and too hard at the same time. It did occur to me to reteat to my car, which is as big as that room and a lot more comfy. Oh well, live and learn as they say. We're going back to Morro Bay soon, but the "Best Value Inn" will not be on our itenerary.

Does anyone give a rats ass about Terrel Owens and his little tantrum? He signed the original contract, he should have to live with it. Sports stars are becoming famous for "holding out" to renegotiate their contracts. I think the team owners should stop renegotiating completely. T.O. got 16 million in cash on his current contract. He says he "must look after his family". Well boo hoo hoo. For 16 million, I could look out for everybody I ever met. Suck it up and act like a man, T.O. Nobody likes a cry baby.
Preseason football has started. Thank God!!! It is a long dry spell between the super bowl and preseason football.

It rained on me!! Here it is, August in the San Joaquin valley and it rained on me!!! I believe this is the result of global cooling brought about by the environmental nitwits insistence on reducing greenhouse gasses. "Global warming"? What a farce. How do we get talked in to these screwball notions? The Delano weather report? It sucks!!

Speaking of screwball ideas, most of the country has been talked into the concept of "neat garbage"!! About 3 times a week some dinky city employee makes his rounds checking to make sure our garbage is in order. Isn't "neat garbage" the ultimate oxymoron? How is it that the city can pay people to snoop through our trash, but they can't seem to mount a really decent offensive against drug dealers and other low-lifes? YOUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!!!

I am getting the urge, once again, to sell out here in California and move to the Pacific Northwest. I'll be taking a really serious look at that in another month or so. If I'm going to be wet and cold, it may as well be next to a fishin' hole. The beat goes on.

wasted space

1. Thank God the WNBA season has only 7 or 8 games left. Maybe it'll be replaced by something worthwhile, like bull frog jumping or cow pie hurling.
2. Attention sportscasters!!! Gluttony is not a sport. Does anybody really give a rats ass about how many hotdogs some moron can stuff in his face? I think not.
3. Why have "reality" shows invaded our sports channels? Surely there must be a ball game of some kind, somewhere.
4. Once again, there is a hue and cry for some semblance of order in the boxing industry. I believe it is a waste of time because of under-the-table pay offs and general corruption.

On a lighter note, the football season has started at last with several pre-season games having already been played. I can hardly wait for the full season to start.

My wife and I are headed for the coast this weekend. It will be a welcome break from the tedium of life in Delano. Maybe I'll catch a clam!!

The Natalie case slogs on through the quagmire of Carribean justice. The authorities already know who the main perps are. 2 out of 3 of them are running free.

My opinion is that the borders in Iraq bounded by Iran on the east and Syria on the west would be a great place for nuclear weapons testing. Our southern border with Mexico would be a great place to practice Army manuevers

Now for the Delano weather report: It's great! Every day it is between 95 and 110. At night the temperature plummets down to 75 or so. Perfect!!

The dumocraps are trying to populate our libraries with Spanish language books. Have you ever wondered if the liberals are Americans? Maybe they are collaboraters in a world wide conspiracy to defeat our precious country. I believe in healthy debate on policy, money, etc., but I don't believe in smear campaigns or out and out lying about the things I don't like. Attention liberals!! Stop supporting subversive outfits like the aclu. Stop lying about everything the Bush administration is trying to do. Dump Teddy-the-autoswimmer Kennedy and that moron Howard Dean. Give up on your obstructionist ploys during appointment procedures. You are NOT entitled to priveleged information from the White House.

Are you aware that ALL your financial information is routed through India?

bye

Well, the grandchildren have gone back to Las Vegas. We really enjoyed having them here and wish they could have stayed longer, but one of them had educational commitments that could not be ignored. I am missing them already. The house is as silent as a tomb. It is amazing how much background noise three children can produce.

The aclu, lowest form of life on the planet, is once again attempting to get more people killed by insisting on tapes produced at Abu Graeb be made public. What possible good could this do? NONE!! If they are allowed to show these tapes, even though the information contained therein is already known, the radical Muslims will take that opportinity to incite riots and commit murder. The wretched, miserable aclu should be held criminally accountable for any misdeeds that occur due to their insane lawsuits. The time has come to take down the aclu. They are traitors and cowards and deserve the complete disdain of all real Americans.

More little girls have been kidnapped, raped and killed since my last blog. I am rethinking the castration punishment. It isn't harsh enough. These animals, like all other rabid animals should be destroyed (killed). It should be a really unpleasant and public execution. I have some excellent ideas for this procedure. (more later)

Hockey is back. Whoopee, whoopee, yahoo. Did you miss it? I didn't even know it was gone until after it left. Maybe if they cleaned it up, I could generate some interest in it. Who wants to watch a bunch of overpaid baboons punch each other? Not me. That's what boxing is for.

Damn, it's really quiet here.

et al

Well, almost a month has passed since my last blog. Nothing has changed. Sex offenders are still running loose in our society. The murderers in Aruba are slowly being released. I suspect the main perp will be released within 60 days. His 2 accomplises are free already. By Thanksgiving, none of them will be on Aruba. The Dutch and the Arubans have totally screwed this case up, starting on day one. If I had traveling age children or grand children, there is no way I would send them to Aruba.

It is summer!!! I am totally convinced of it this time. The temp has been in the high 90s or low 100s for about 2 weeks. Pool temp is a balmy 87. Perfect!!

Speaking of sex offenders, how long are we going to allow these rats to roam around free among us? In order to protect our women and children, These guys should have their entire lower business section removed when they are sentenced. They should have a big S.O. tatooed on their forheadss and be made to wear a location collar into their coffins. Does that sound harsh? TOUGH!! These lower than a mo-topper assholes are animals, rabid animals and should be treated with no dignity or respect. Second time offenders should be shot. How many of those cowardly perverts would be willing to rape and kill if these kinds of penalties were enforced? Ask the ACLU. They are the ones who get the monsters released.

My grandchildren have finally arrived. Their grandmother and I are so happy!! The children are so happy. I hope no clouds arise to besmerch an otherwise perfect vacation for them. The only unhappy one is my little doggy. She's not used to kids, so she spends most of her time hiding from them.

Naturally, grandma has been spending like a drunk sailor on Hotel street. Oh well, she only gets one or two chances a year to buy things for them. I hope we're not in the poor house by the time she finishes.

Lance is once again making a run at the tour of france. If he makes it, it will be seven in a row, a feat that will never be surpassed unless superman returns. My boy, Andy Roddick was snuffed once again in the Wimbledon finals. Lucky I don't bet!!
Football season is just around the corner. It is the only bright spot in the dreary winter. I don't watch much baseball. I lost interest when that bunch of multi-million dollar cry babies snuffed out the world series while striking for even more bucks.
Every one who follows boxing is hoping that there will be some sort of federal regulations on it to cut down on criminal activities and instill some integrity to the sport. It would also get rid of this stupid multi-world champion alphbet soup that now exists. Many of us wonder just how many world champs there are.

My buddy in North Carolina is sending us a salt-cured ham. Once you wrap your gums around one of those, you'll throw rocks at that stuff in the funny shaped can.

Whoops!

It wasn't just that the accuser and his family turned out to be a bunch or liars. It wasn't just that the evidence against him had been, in my opinion, illegally obtained and presented. I think the main determining factor in this entire $4million mess was the attitude of Tom Sneddon, the D.A. He turned out to be an arrogant, swaggering, incompetent gas bag with a definite axe to grind with Jackson. People want their public servants to present at least a facade of humility. Remember that Jackson is Not Guilty, as I predicted in a previous blog. We have judged him and found him so. As in the O.J. Simpson case, the talking heads will debate his innocence for years to come. As far as I'm concerned, the debate was over when the jury published their verdict. Do I agree with the verdict? It doesn't matter. I wasn't on the jury. Let it go.

Well, so much for me being a genius electronics tech. My wife fixed our air conditioner by making a couple of simple adjustments on the control panel, thereby saving us several hundred dollars in repair costs. I completely over-complicated the whole debacle, thereby leading to troubleshooting failure. Now, she gets to point and laugh at me while I hang my head in shame. Rats!!

Once again the weather has taken a turn for the better. It was 95 yesterday and will be 95 today. I refuse to proclaim that summer has arrived. The last couple of times I did that we were subjected to an immediate cold spell. Maybe summer is here, maybe not.

The Arubans are still piddling around with the case of the missing high school girl. The only way to get them off the dime is to pass up an Aruban vacation. Pick another island.

The recipe will have to wait. It is 7 AM. Too early to cook.

Stabbed in the Back!!!

So, the infamous Mr. Felt turns out to be deepthroat. Some may hail him as a hero, but if you think about it for a minute, you'll see that he was just a snake in the grass. He betrayed the confidence of his boss, Richard Nixon, and brought him down with the help of a couple of hack reporters. While it is true that Nixon was doing some things that were wrong, he never broke a confidence with his trusted aides and even defended the miserable Mr. Felt! Felt should have handled the situation through the specified channels. Instead, he went crying to the most left wing newspaper in the country and stabbed Nixon squarely in the back. Think of how you would feel if one of your trusted friends blabbed your shared confidences to the media. You may say he's a hero. I say he is just a low-life, blithering, back stabber. Now he has come forward because he is broke. I hope he winds up on the streets and eats cat food.

Going to Aruba? Why? Until the government of Aruba starts indicting people, there is no reason to go there. There is no reason to allow your children to go there. They haven't found a body yet, but saddly, they probably will soon. My solution, as always, is direct and physical. If the government of Aruba doesn't get off the dime and get on with it, we should place the island off-limits to American citizens. A few weeks of eating sand and rocks will bring results. I have no patience with diplomacy or incompetence.

Warm weather has once again returned to Delano. I know that the weather gods are trying to kill me. Hot one minute. Cold the next. Leads to pneumonia in old farts like me.

After several weeks of driving myself further over the borders of sanity, I have finally solved the video problem I was having with AIM. No, I didn't buy another camera. As I suspected all along, there were a couple of software switches in the computer. So you see, sometimes hardheaded obstinence pays off.

Danica Patrick is doing great on the IRL circuit. She is currently #10 over all. This is unheard of in a rookie. You will see her win a race before the season is over. All that skill and a babe to boot!! Don't bother to wrap it, I'll eat it here!

Which brings us to the recipe for the blog. Hot weather demands girlcicles! Here's how:

Find a small to medium size girl.
Get some ice cubes from the freezer.
Rub the cubes on the girl and lick the resultant water off immediately.
If the girl struggles or tries to back down, just wave a credit card at her. ENJOY!!

My sweet little wifey and I are looking forward to summer time. It's going to be great!!!

My Uncle Hugh up in Fresno is undergoing heart surgery tomorrow to repair a faulty valve. Say a little prayer for him, even if you don't pray much.

And so it goes.

KAPLUNK!!!!!

As I predicted a few blogs ago, Howard Dean, you remember the moron who self-destructed on national TV, is now leading the Democrats directly into oblivion. I knew it was a gross error to appoint this clown to head the democratic party and he is living up to all my expectations. He is going to create a major political crisis in this country because under his leadership, the democrats will not only fail miserably in the next election, the whole damned party may be destroyed and sink into the sea of imbicility. The major political crisis comes when the country outside of the Republicans searches for a replacement. It is essential to have opposition in this country's politics. While the democrats have provided years of jovial entertainment, they have recently become obstructionistic in their habits. We need to move on to a higher level of opposition. My favorite is the Libertarians. We'll see. In the meantime, say a litttle prayer for Dean as he stands on the deck of the ship he is sinking.

The Delano weather report: It sucks!! Once again the temperature has plummeted under 70 degrees. Who needs that? In June? In southern Calfornia? BOOOO!!

As usual during weather crises, I am thinking once again about selling out and moving north. Yes, I know it is cooler up there, but at least they have good fishing. If I must suffer through the cold, I should have a fishing rod clutched in my paw.

I'm still having problems with my webcam, proving once again that I'm not as smart as I think I am. My buddy over on the east coast thinks I should buy a new camera. He's probably right, but in addition to abject stupidity, I have a head as hard as a brick. Another week or so of failure should be enough to convince me.

Have you heard about the imminent publication of a book about the wretched Hillary Clinton? I have read a few excerpts from it and my opinion is that it will completely destroy her bid for the Presidency. This will be a good thing. I have suspected she was a crook since her days with slick willy. When all these newly uncovered facts are made public, the sun will set on her parade and if we are lucky, we'll never hear from her again.

And now for the recipe, ice box pizza:
Squash a couple of tubes of biscuit dough into a rough circle.
In your refridgerator, select all the items that have been in there for months.
If it's green, it'll be good whether it's cheese or meat.
Pour half a bottle of catsup on your squashed dough .
Chop 8 jalopena peppers and throw them into the catsup.
Dump all those ymmy items from the refridgerator on top.
Bake at 450 degrees for 20 minutes, ignoring any smoke coming from your oven.
Eat hearty!!! Ciao.

Almost there

The trial of the king of pop is coming to an end. Is he innocent or guilty? Who cares? The only thing that is important is that all the media feeding frenzy will be over. The tv talking heads are all a-twitter about this trial. Now, they are each forming an opinion as to how the trial went, what could have gone better, what could have gone worse and every one of them has an opinion about guilt or innocence. I don't think that this herd of moronic gas bags has one single ounce of sense, altogether. That bunch of bench warming idiots has no say in the matter at all. The only thing that matters is the verdict of the jury.

I finally got off my lazy butt and went swimming. It wore my fat ass out. I haven't worked that hard since last year. The water was perfect except for the frogs. I evicted about 50 of the slimy little creatures. Only after I released them into the flower beds did I realize they would have been great bait! Oh, well. I am sure they will be back. You can't keep a good frog down. If any of you ladies are having bad luck with your room mates, I'll be happy to sell you a frog, suitable for kissing. Your prince may be inside.

If I didn't live in the boundaries of the ninth circuit court of appeals, it would be hard to understand the total incompetence of the Florida courts. The people of Florida should seriously consider throwing all those bums out. Unfortunately, those of us in California are stuck with the ninth circuit court. They are a bunch of communist assholes who are legislating from the bench. How can we handle something like that?

The recipe for today is elepant soup:
Dice one large elepant.
Slice 3 or 4 carrots and an onion.
Cover with gnu stock.
Cook over low heat for 5 days.
If it looks like you may not have enough meat, throw in a rabbit or 2 unless you don't like hare in your soup.

The weather in Delano is perfect. Daytime temps are 85 to 95. The temp plummets down to 75 at night, but that's Ok 'cause that's when I'm sleeping. I have not seen a cloud in many days.

Now that the temperature is up, my air conditioner has broken down, spoiling an otherwise perfect week. I'll get it fixed on Monday.

I was almost a multi-milliomaire tonight, but I missed the lottery numbers by only 4. That means I can't buy the Island I had my eye on in the San Juans. Rats!! And I had to cancel the order for my new yacht. Life is so Unfair!!

You're Fired!!!

Now for a word or two to the United States Senate. What the hell do you clowns think you are doing? You were not hired to go to Washington to further the ambitions of the Democrats. You were not hired to go to Washington to further the ambitions of the Republicans. You were hired to go to Washington to conduct the business of the country. You are not doing that. Instead, you are embroiled in war over the President's appointees. Vote them up or down and then get on with the business of governing the country. Donald Trump would fire all of your asses in a heartbeat. The Democrats need to get over the fact that they lost the election. The Republicans need to get over the fact that they are now in power. The whole damned senate needs to remember what they were hired for. There is less whining and bickering in a kindergarten playground. Stop acting like a truculent bunch of cry babies and do our business!!!

The temperature in Delano tomorrow will be 69. At 2 AM. hahaha. Days are in the mid 90's. It is perfect.

What is all this fuss about Zarqawi? I don't want to hear he is wounded. I want to hear that he died an excruciating, protracted death with lots and lots of pain. There is no reason to feel even a twing of sympathy for this murdering hoodlum. He has said that the killing of Moslem women and children is ok, if it furthers his ambitions. What an immoral asshole! When he dies, he won't get 72 virgins. He'll get a 6'10" goliath named "Bubba" to help him make it through the night.
If we manage to capture the worthless beast, you can bet that the ACLU and Amnesty International will raise hell about lawyers and the Geneva Convention rules. The Iraqis don't like him, so the proper thing to do is turn him over to their tender ministrations. I'm sure they'll treat him tenderly, seeing as how his mad bombers have killed over 600 Iraqi men, women and children just this last month while that cowardly yellowbelly hid out.

Speaking of Amnesty International, were you aware that they are going to try to have our fighting men arrested if they go on R&R in Europe? They have compared the United States to Hitler's Germany. You can help stop them the same way you can help stop the ACLU. Don't give them any money.

The recipe for today is lemonade.

Buy two dozen lemons.
Put them in a large bowl and smash them.
Strain out the liquid.
Add 2 teaspoons of sugar(gotta watch those calories!)
Dump the liquid into a glass full of ice.
Drink hearty!!

Once again I have proven that I am one of the world's great procrastinators. I have not yet gone fishing or swimming. Why? Too lazy!!

Singularity

At the center of society is a black hole much like the black holes found in other galaxies. Our black hole sucks the life out of freedom and prosperity. At the center of our black hole is the singularity and the singularity is the ACLU. Surely you remember the American Communist Lawyer's Union. While it is true that we must worry about the North Koreans, the red Chinese, Iran, Iraq South American smugglers and Mexican criminal illegal aliens, the main threat to our society is the ACLU. Look at the record of this herd of ne'er-do-wells. They have been and still are promoting vicious attacks against the Boy Scouts because the Boy Scouts won't let queers run scout troops. In California, they are in bed with the 9th circuit court of appeals, the most left leaning govenrment organization since the dissolution of the KGB. The threat of an ACLU lawsuit scares the hell out of state and local governments, big and small. They are dead set against the second amendment to the Constitution of the United States. Almost all the problems that we encounter with the criminal justice system can be laid squareley at the doors of this anti-American gang of domestic terrorists. They have disrupted our lives and caused untold hardship for the people of this great land. How do we stop them. Well, if you have a lawyer and he/she supports the ACLU, fire the SOB. Tell him why he's getting the axe. Talk to your friends and see if they will fire their ACLU bound lawyers. The only thing this gang of traitors understands is money. Hit 'em in the wallet and they won't be quite so anxious to support the defiling of America.

It has been a little over two weeks since my last blog and nothing has changed. There are still missing children, heinous murders, bank robberies, rapes and child porn. It all looks pretty hopeless. Our only hope in these hard days is faith in God and Remington. Arm yourself. If the crazies are going to kill you anyway, make 'em pay. Just say a little prayer and shoot the SOB.

I still haven't been fishing. Everytime I get set to go, something pops up and destroys my carefully laid plans. A buddy of mine on the east coast went fishing this last week in the ocean. He said they caught a bunch of striped bass, but none of them measured up to the 40" minimum size limit.

Finally, it is warming up here. Daytime temps are only about 85 so far, but the near future looks promising. The Delano weather report is "good".

The recipes for today is Health-nut salad.

Go out in your yard and cut an assortment of anything that looks green or yellow. Toss it all together in a salad bowl and consume with no dressing.(Can't have any of that fattening, good tasting stuff.)

Baseball season is under way. whoopee, whoopee, yahoo. On the brighter side, each day brings us closer to football season.

What, no killing?

I guess you have all heard the story of the missing bride who got cold feet, fled the scene and wound up in New Mexico. She's got a lot of nerve not being raped and killed like all those other missing girls. Are we miffed, or what? After all that searching, pleading, whining and bitching, she shows up alive and well. What a blow to the media! Every one of the news talking heads got it wrong! Maybe they are not as smart as they think they are.

While the weather continues to warm here in Southern California, most of the rest of the nation is enduring one of the coldest Mays in history. You guys in the east should find a global warming advocate and thank him, personally, for crying wolf. After having studied the weather charts for the last 200,000 years, I have come to the conclusion that the weather fluctuates wildly with or without help from humans. The "global warming" hysteria reminds me of the cancer scares. At one time or another, scientists claimed that everything caused cancer. Most people. like me, are now totally ignoring these geniuses. We should do the same for the global warming nuts. I realize that changes in the weather are not the fault of this nut group, but they have misidentified the causes of warming and cooling trends. They have ruined entire industries based on idiotic conclusions and generally caused prices to rise in several critical fields. If this were Christmas, I would say, "BAH, HUMBUG!!" But since its not, a simple "bite me" will have to suffice.

One of my daughter's clients is going to run a car in the Indy 500. Look for "Sam Schmidt" racing. He also has a website you might want to peruse. Good luck, Sam!!!

My pool was full of little, tiny frogs this morning. Luckily, it is the day for the pool boy to make his appearance. He got to dip them out. I don't have any idea why they picked this week to make their appearance. Just a few more weeks and I'll be swimming.

Now for the Delano weather report: It is clear, sunny and cool. (80 degrees). It's trying hard. Maybe next week.

How much?

The question on the mind of every American today is, "How much more of these rising gasoline prices will we take?" The answer lies in what we are willing to do about it. The usual diplomatic hand wringing and 'studies' is not going to fix it. Since they started raising gas prices dramatically in the early 70's, it has been obvious to most Americans that OPEC is really just a bunch of international thieves. The fuel industry learned a real lesson from the sugar industry. Back in the 60's when a bottle of Coke was $.10, sugar sufferred through a major shortage and the price of sugar and everything with sugar in it skyrocketed. When the shortage was over, sugar prices dropped, but not to pre-shortage levels. The price of all sugar included commodities didn't drop one cent. It still hasn't. OPEC, seeing this, manufactured the oil shortage of the early 70's and the price of gas rocketed upward. When the shortage magically disappeared, gas prices did not drop. The oil companies maintained prices at post shortage levels. Then began 30 years of price increases. Have you noticed that the prices at the pump increase immediately when OPEC cuts production but after they raise production again, pump prices drop a little but never back to the pre-increase levels. Again, how much more of this theft are we going to take? I believe we have taken enough. The time has come for some heavy-handed, direct and drastic action. The United States should attend the next OPEC meeting and announce that fuel prices will drop immediately. If they don't we will take the oil fields away from their tenants and run them ourselves. The current owners are obviously irresponsible and not competent to run such a global enterprise. Am I advocating war? If that's what it takes, so be it. I'll tell you straight up that if the military needs someone to charge the guns, this is one old fat guy who will volunteer in a heartbeat.

Now a word about wishy-washy judges and non prosecuting prosecutors. In recent years many judges have been legislating from the bench. Most of the ones who are guilty of this are left wing liberals with a liberal agenda. Not only do they legislate from the bench, they seem to make horrible errors in judgement as to the disposition of criminals. Lately, too may criminals have appeared before these judges and been turned loose again with a slap on the wrist, a small fine and nonexistent bail. Later, these criminals perpetrate other, more heinous crimes. When the investigation into the circumstances of the early or immediate release reveals that the criminal had stood before the bar of justice in the recent past and was not jailed, the judge invariable explains that he or she is overworked and has too many cases to investigate each one closely. BULLSHIT!!! There is no excuse for turning pedophiles and murderers loose on the unsuspecting public to wreak havoc once again. These judges are paid to exercise GOOD judgement. When one of them turns a criminal loose and the criminal commits another crime, the judge should be jailed if he let the perp out one minute early. Maybe a few months in the slammer with the animals they help create will cause the other judges to mend their ways. Is this too harsh? No way! If your accountant screws up your taxes, he is fired and if he screws up enough, he'll be out of business. Judges are there primarily to protect us from the lowlife animals in our society. For the immediate future, We can recall judges who make bad calls. Or we can vote some of them out of office. We need relief now!

The recipe for today is Rock Soup:
1. Build a fire
2. Pour 2 gallons of water into a large pot and place it over the fire.
3. Drop in 3 or 4 large rocks.
4. Boil the rocks for 23 minutes.
5. Pour into bowls and EAT HEARTY..yum

Now for the Delano weather report: It has cooled off once again, though not quite down to the "sucks" level. It is, however, well below "good".

It goes on and on

Since my last blog less than a week ago, two more little girls have been found raped and murdered. These atrocities can be laid squarely at the dorrs of the ACLU and liberal, activist courts. The hand-wringing over what is to be done has started. You can bet your ass that the ACLU will fight any kind of sentencing reform that is voted on. There are several good solutions that could be implemented. First, ban the ACLU. Throw all of its officers in jail with the animals they have helped create. Second, recall the liberal judges who make truly stupid decisions regarding the handling of these sub-human animals. Third, fire all prosecutors who fail to prosecute. Last, but not least, change the sentencing guidelines. I have included a list of MINIMUM sentences for these animals:
1. For rape and murder, Death within one month of a guilty verdict. No exceptions.
2. For sex crimes against children, a minimum of 20 years without parole, Immediate castration and removal of the offending penis, Required to wear a location collar for life. Mandatory frontal lobotomy. A tatoo on the forehead identifying the animal. Cannot live within 2 miles of where children play, live or go to school. Death for a second offense within one month of a guilty verdict. Gee, does that sound a little harsh? Tough!!! Make these kinds of crimes really distasteful to the animals. I believe that when a man yanks it out in front of children, he automatically gives up all his Constitutional rights. He doesn't deserve them. He is, after all, sub-human. A monster. A low beast. Akin to a rabid dog.

Wow, it was 85 today with more of the same in the near forecast. If it will stay like this for a week, I will venture forth to the old fishin' hole. I didn't go all last year, the first year I've missed since the late sixties. My buddy on the east coast has spent most of the last couple of weeks in Pennsylvania. It is nasty, cold and the wind is blowing in North Carolina, so he hasn't gone fishing yet either.

The recipe for the day is: Charred Steak
Make a fire.
Get a steak.
Throw the steak in the fire.
Let it burn for 30 minutes or so.
Remove it from the fire and try to eat it.

The Delano weather report is: Warming up. Out of the 'it sucks' region, but not quite to the 'good' region.

Assorted nuts

Another criminal maniac has gone off the deep end, killed two people and raped a teenage girl. This is a guy they had in jail and released early. I believe that jail for all these guys is a colossal waste of time and money. When they get one of these nuts, they should just go ahead and shoot the criminal asshole. It really doesn't matter if they are mentally competent or not. The insanity plea should be struck from the books. The only way to cure career criminals is with a 38 caliber pill. It can't be as costly as they claim it is to string one of these morons up. The thing that costs the money is the years and years full of appeals and paying appeals shysters to try to skirt the law and get these animals off with a lighter sentence or a new trial. There should be a brief trial followed by maybe one appeal and then, BANG!!! Murderers and child rapists shoould get the same treatment. Stop dicking around with these monsters. Plant 'em and forget 'em.

At last, after years of ignoring the southern border, the army is being deployed to the area. The Mexican government is displeased, but so what? They couldn't possibly hurt us any more than they already have by encouraging illegal immigration. I think the best solution to the Mexican problem is to attack Mexico, colonize it, declare martial law and totally destroy the immigration problem. It is obvious that the Mexican government has no idea about providing jobs for their people. A few U.S. firms, you know, the ones the hippies hate, could start farming and manufacturing in what is now Mexico. We could arrest all the federalies and politicians, assuming they are all guilty of something. Let the military courts sort 'em out. In a decade or two, we would have a lot better grip on the transient problem. However, as long as the current situation prevails, anyone caught illegally entering the United States should be treated as a federal felon, jailed and prosecuted. Since deporting them seems to do no good, prison camps in the desert seems to be a great solution.

Tiger strikes again!! Yes folks, just as the anti-Woods clowns were trying to proclaim him a thing of the past, El Tigre has risen to capture his fourth green jacket at Augusta. Now that he seems to have his swing back, the rest of the PGA must once again watch it. I predict he'll leave a bright burning trail through the rest of the golf season.

And now, your new recipe isPlanked carp.
Catch a carp
Strap it to a cedar plank and roast over open fire.
Remove from heat
Throw carp away, eat plank.

I am hopeful that it will continue to warm up. We had one day of spring about a week ago. Then, winter set in again. Now it is warming up slowly. If you get a chance to talk to one of those 'global warming' buffoons, punch him in the suck. I had actually turned my funace off, when suddenly, I was freezing my kabip off. Had to turn it back on. boooo. The Delano weather still sucks.

It's still there!!

Yes, lurking in the shadow of the death of the Pope and the Schiavo spectacle, the Michael Jackson case is resurrected. It did not go away as we all hoped. Now the media morons will fill our already over flowing cups with more of the adventures of MJ. Really, we don't need 24/7 coverage of this weirdo case.

In response to reader comments, I am starting my one recipe per blog attraction. Soon, it will become a beloved tradition and I'm sure it will help some of you lesser adept cooks. The first recipe is for southern fried fish:
1. Go to Alabama
2. Get a fish
3. Fry it
4. Eat it
A recipe this simple should be easy for even the most inept cook to follow.

Also, in response to reader comments: Anchovies still suck. Always have, always will. I would rather eat skunk asses fried in kerosene than an anchovy.

It has finally gotten back up to 80 degrees here. It's almost warm enough to go fishing. In another week or two I'll give it a try. I may have to go fish in the ditch out by Alpaugh for white bass. Some have told me that they have made a recovery after having been poisoned out by the idiot fish and game commission. We used to catch them by the buckets full out there. We'll see.

My tomatoes have been planted!! This year, they have a chance of surviving because I didn't even touch them. My sweet little wife planted them. I didn't even supervise. Time will tell.

Now that the winter clouds are fading, we can observe large, very fast objects in the sky headed for the coast. Nellis, Edwards and Area 51 are not very far from here by air. I expect an announcement of some super-plane later this summer. Of course, I could be wrong. I was wrong once before back in 1978 when I thought I was wrong and I wasn't.

screwed again!!

Once again I must apologize. When I wrote the blog on food, I was unaware that I needed a PhD from the Culinary Institute of America to decide what's good and what's not. I was under the mistaken impression that 65 years of tasting various treats from around the world would automatically qualify me to judge assorted foods. I was also unawaare that I didn't have enough expertise to comment on cooking shows. Hell, I like cooking shows. I watch them all the time. Some of the favorite ingredients of the TV chefs leave me with a gag reflex in progress. I guess I'm just unsophisticated. One more thing, if you bring me a pizza with those foul little fish on it, it will immediately become wearing apparel for the provider. Sorry, that's the way it is.

Well, Schiavo croaked and immediately, the Pope's health declined. Now, all those media idiots have to leave Florida and go to Italy. Like the Schiavo case, they will cover this one 24/7 until we have had more than enough. Kind of makes me wonder what the next super duper event will be.

Boy, those people in southeast Asia are really catching hell. First the major tsunami and now a big, big earthquake. That is one of my most favorite areas in the world and now it is mostly destroyed. BOOOO.

Temp in Delano today was 79. No clouds. No wind. Summer is coming!!! At last.

What's cookin'?

Now for a few thousand well chosen words about the culinary arts. First, let me list the things in the food world that we can easily do without:
1. Garlic. This foul weed seems to find its way into everything we cook and everything we order at restaurants. It smells bad. It tastes bad. It makes you smell bad. On the other hand, it is an excellent birth control device.
2. Anchovies. While I really like most fish, the anchovy doesn't really seem to be a fish. It is more like some vermin from the sea. A water-borne cockroach. Anchovies taste like a big scoop of dirt. TV chefs think these wretched little beasts are wonderful. They are wrong. The only use I have ever found for anchovies is as bait.
3. "Al Dente". My ancestors spent numerous generations learning to cook food so it is done. Al dente is not done. It is under cooked. If I want to chew something crunchy, I'll eat an apple. You may COOK my pasta, please.
4. Complex recipes. These recipes are presented to us as something the home cook can easily accomplish. LIES!!! Most of them are multi-ingredient masterpieces that require exotic fruits and/or vegetables and meats that can only be obtained on safari. Some ingredients are not now, never have been, and never will be available to the general public. These recipes describe techniques and equipment found only in 5 star restaurants. Preparations times vary between 5 hours and 5 days. Who has the time?
5. Strange foreign words. Most TV chefs deem it necessary to use phrases and descriptions that are totally foreign to 99% of the American people. We can't tell what the hell they're talking about. I am sure that they could use plain english in their descriptive presentations. Like lawyers, they seem to be unable to speak clearly in understandable english.
6. How many of you guys have 5 ovens, 6 cook tops, a grill, a buit-in deep fryer, a broiler and 50 square feet of counter space. None of you? Gee, I'm shocked. You probably don't have $5000 worth of pots and pans either.

And now for the Delano weather report: It sucks.